I ask for forgiveness

This is always an important day, for the reasons esoteric. It is an unusual and, I think, unusually important day today. I may not be quite as easy with my words today as I have been in years past, and I was up rather late last night thinking about and praying about what I ought to say today. So if you will forgive me, I will do my best to say what it is I want to say to you. First, I want to say to all of you that, as you might imagine, I have been on quite a journey these last few weeks to get to the end of this, to the rock bottom truth of where I am and where we all are. {Inspired by Clinton}. I am an outcast. I am a Ganguly in the Indian cricket team, a Beckham in the 98 world cup English team, satan of the Hebrew apocrypha, a Judas Iscariot who betrayed Jesus, a Brutus who brutally killed Caesar, a Tony Clifton or a Andy Kauffman for sick anti-humor, a Vanunu in Israel. I cannot do it like others. I wish I knew what it takes or have I lost the zeal, the vigor. I am not an old junkie. Why doesn’t it flow into my mind, tickle my synapses, hurt my conscience and make me do it. Is it time constraints or so it seems. I wish I could envisage in it “a floydian seduction” or “a seraphic, elysian green innocence” or “a soccer’s adrenaline rush”. I wish I could join communities that I forget after I join; I wish I could read others scraps and peek into their privacy; I wish I could scrap, read as flirt, unknown people; I wish I could don a false identity other than keep in touch with buddies. My soul wanders beyond boundaries, to uncover a reason for me to become a part of this community, which means-“the holy meeting place” in Turkish and “orgasm” in Finnish.
I ask for forgiveness.